will work for cels

last modified: Sunday, December 19, 2004 (2:39:41 AM CST)

I have a friend who gets depressed every winter... Is he rubbing off on me?! This has been one of my most emotionally stable years in a *long* time, but lately I just feel pathetically unmotivated. And unlike my friend, I appreciate rain and cool weather. So I'm disappointed in myself.

Maybe it's a vitamin D deficiency? Or transitional stress... The fact that Christmas doesn't even hold a fragment of the magic that it did for me as a kid? Or the fact that I've been stuck at mom and dad's for such a stretch this time and still see no way out. ...I don't know.

I hate not being able to bid on auctions myself. I hate having to have someone else bid for me. And then charge me up the a** for the service. Not that anyone's necessarily to blame, but it sucks.

I can't afford to be buying cels right now, much less to be bidding through Deputy services on Y!Japan. But I did restrain myself until one came along that I had specifically pointed out by frame before and said, "I want that cel!" when watching the show. xP

D*mn, it sucks to be outbid. You tell yourself that it's for the best, because you need that money for other things. But it's one of the hardest things to talk yourself into to. I'm never fully convinced. Oh my logical self has no trouble, sure, but the strain lies with the emotional half. And that one's been taking such a beating these days.

I don't know if she'll read this, but I want to say thanks to Leah. I hope I remembered the name right! My computer crashed right after I got your feedback to my last post (spyware is the DEVIL!), and I never had a chance to respond.

Thank you, it made me smile. Often strangers can make me smile more easily than my own family, or anyone I know. Blood doesn't build bonds in my book, understanding does.

I think I'll ask for frames for Xmas. I've never been able to display my cels on the wall, since I always spend my money on the artwork. :p

even though I love the season

last modified: Thursday, November 25, 2004 (12:56:29 AM CST)

I think the holidays conspire to be depressing. Last year I was incarcerated for depression, and this time my mom is hospitalized for appendicitis one day before Thanksgiving and while the family is still reeling from my recently forced "outing" to dad.

*head-desk*
*repeat*

I hate it when mom is sick. She's a person with a "child-like spirit", as they say, and seeing her so unwell and unhappy is very unsettling. Somehow, it almost feels like it's not her or she's not there. Pain does that, I guess. Both emotional and physical.

Bad addiction. Natural inclination is intense desire to drown sorrows in cel acquisition. *Cute* cel of Killua with glasses on YJ... Awesome cel of Gon telling off Illumi... Damn me for not being rich.

Dern holidays. -__- How long since I updated? Must get out of this funk.

Funk. There's a funny word.

one cel in two places

last modified: Tuesday, November 02, 2004 (1:25:21 AM CST)

I'm sort of sad that the person I bought my last wish list cel from hasn't taken it down from her gallery. Especially since she's advertising again on taking offers, drawing more traffic to her site.

But I don't want to be a d*ck and bug her about it. Besides, it's only been under my ownership for two weeks. And I know how hard it is to take them down when you've sold them. Still, I wish she'd at least put a "sold" message or something. ._. Oh well.

.-.

last modified: Saturday, October 30, 2004 (5:49:40 AM CST)

Being sick is frighteningly similar to being depressed. When you feel like sh*t, everything just starts to seem unimportant and it's so hard to get motivated. I'm not depressed this week, but I'm going through the usual feelings of disconnection from the people I know. Being sick, I don't have the strength to confidently declare my opinions, so I haven't been able to share my thoughts with anyone in my journal these days. Hiding here among my cels instead. I like it here, even though almost no one knows me. Although I'd like to change that.

A package came for me today but the office was closed when we picked the mail up. It should have been the last cel I was waiting on. They always deliver on Friday so that I'm forced to wait the whole weekend. Evildoers! T_T Rawr.

curse you, money demons!

last modified: Thursday, October 28, 2004 (5:19:03 AM CST)

I'm anxious to put up my remaining cels because I have only favorites left to put up. But I'm procrastinating because then I might not have any more updates for a while. ._. Blah, annoying internal debates! I can't decide. I'll probably continue uploading them as I have time, despite the hesitancy.

I've been stunned that no wish list cels have smacked me in the face since I started praying to the cel gods (see a previous post) that there wouldn't be any must-haves for a while. AM barely updated all week, and when they finally did there were two consecutive updates that didn't include HxH at all. It's like a miracle. :P

I expect my luck to run out any second, though. I want a job so bad, but with my car out of commission I'm completely dead in the water. =_= I wish I knew what to do, I'm getting panicky. Dad thinks I should be able to make webpages from home. He doesn't understand that just because I know html, doesn't make me a professional. Not that I'd mind doing that, but it's not as in-demand a skill as he thinks. >< And ebay has not helped me either.

Sigh. -.- I wish I were a cel retailer rather than buyer. I should never have quit that job at Animate.

like kids coming home (not that I'd know) ^^;

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:41:09 AM CST)

I realized shortly after I posted my last entry that the cel I'm still waiting for was supposed to be included with the other two; it was listed in the same order. Had me a bit worried for a while that I'd somehow lost it amidst the packaging, or it had been shipped to someone else or who knows! *cel collector nightmares, heh* Finally heard back from Stephen today, though, and he says he just forgot to include it and is shipping it soon. Whew! Back to looking forward to the last cel still away. I'm really relieved and amazed to have all the rest securely in my possession now. Especially The One that almost wasn't. Need to scan him, he comes with quite a story.

Thy 3\/1|_ art SLAIN, Mandarake!

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:41:00 AM CST)

BWAHAHAHAHA!! No longer shall you torment me, 3\/1|_ Mandarake webmasters! The cel that I'd been waiting for... the cel you wrongfully sold to somebody else and then left on your site just to mock me... IS NOW IN MY POSSESSION!!1!1! [more maniacal laughter] ...But they still have all those yummy toys sold out too. ;_;

That's the most I've spent so far on a Killua cel, not including shipping and deputy fees. Maybe including them. Possibly the most since the Gargoyles piece (Disney is a b*tch). I've completely broken my bank account with this, so I'm praying frantically to the cel gods that nothing good comes along for a while. ._.

This is why I cut myself off from this hobby for several years. But in so doing, I cut myself off from something that makes me happy, d*mn it! >< This is part of me. Animation is what I love, and this is what I collect. Grrrrr.

Two cels arrived from AM today, too. I wish that last one I ordered was with them, but since it may be the last new addition for a while I should probably be glad I still have one to look forward to. In the mean time I should concentrate on getting the rest of these up in the gallery. YOSH. T_T

Infant gallery reborn...

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:40:54 AM CST)

I thought I was done playing with the layout, but no. :P

I had a concept in my head about how I wanted to name this gallery when I created it. An idea that sort of encompassed it's meaning to me; the root of my passion for these characters, and the need to collect tangible remnants of their phantom existence. But I couldn't find an adequate way to express it.

The other day I was dreaming something obscure with an old hotel and a lot of people. There was nothing anime-esque about it, but for some reason Wing-san's voice suddenly interjected, and I woke up with his words still ringing clearly in my ears, half expecting him to be leaning over me when I opened my eyes. On the edge of consciousness, this world's fictional characters are perfectly alive. Emotionally, they're alive.

Today I finally stumbled upon a word which captured this idea to my satisfaction, and thus the gallery, although still in it's infancy, has been renamed. ^^; I spent several hours revising all the banners and graphics to reflect the change, and because I'm finally satisfied with the name, I went and fussed with the layout again until I was more content with that too.

Now I'm gonna watch One Piece and try to sleep, and tomorrow I'll get back to the uploads.

W00~t!

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:40:38 AM CST)

She accepted. *relief*

*DIES*

T___T

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:40:30 AM CST)

Don't you HATE it when you send someone an offer and they don't get back to you?

The Road to Poverty

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:40:21 AM CST)

This has been a weird day. And it's not quite over yet.

My premium WISH cel - with capital letters - that I busted my ass to obtain and certainly sold my soul for... arrived today. No disappointments. It's spectacular. It's definitely the only one to rival my reigning favorite for supremacy.

Meanwhile, I sold my only Wufei and Heero cels. T_T Sadness. They were simple cels, but they were my only ones of those characters and they were nice. They were pretty, and each came from good moments in the series. Looking at them, trying to come to terms with it, wasn't helping at all so I just had to put them away.

These were sacrificed because of another Wishlist cel that's come under my radar. Actually it's been there for a while. Killua in assassin mode is ideal, and surprisingly hard to come by. When I found one at Mandarake months ago I nearly blew a fuse. Not only was it assassin-mode Killua, but it was a nice frame from one of my favorite episodes and included the background. But Mandarake is EVIL and doesn't remove what they've already sold. So all I could do was suffer the spike of pain and frustration over again every time I went to their site.

Then I found out who owned it.

I emailed them about it at the time but naturally it wasn't for sale.

Then last weekend she opened her entire gallery up for offers.

I know exactly what she paid for it, but I know that's it's an extremely nice cel too... so I wanted to offer double the amount she originally paid. I may not have an extensive collection, but I'm a true collector. Combined with the money I get for Wufei & Heero, everything I have left in the bank will go to pay for it. -_-

If she accepts.
I'm still waiting to see if she accepts.

feedback!

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:40:12 AM CST)

Hee. Got my first feedback submitted from my gallery this morning. My Killua collection is "cute" and my description entertains. Thank you Brenda! ^^

finicky koroshiya

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:39:55 AM CST)

I was just thinking how badly I wanted needed a cel from the scene where Killua goes up against a red pepper and loses. Even if it's not THE perfect frame. And lo and behold, the second perfect frame presents itself. ^.^ *happy Jordan*

Broke Jordan. ^^;;

hello journal

last modified: Sunday, October 24, 2004 (5:39:47 AM CST)

Well isn't this slick? Another place to unload my pointless meanderings.

Right now I'm refining the layout before the Grand upload. Yes, with a capital "g". And waiting for the final episode of FMA. And trying not to drool over other galleries. And wishing I weren't broke.